Cue the End of the World
Why are standup opens and closes taking over the airwaves? Why? There will be none of that when I am news director for every station in the country (my new goal instead of "ruler of the world.") Mark my word. And I'll use double boxes when I damn well feel like it.

I Could Lose a Nut and Today Would Still Be a Good Day
According to my unofficial sources, all of 41's evening newscasts are up thanks to Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Score.