funny story...if stories about thinking someone's dead are funny
when i got out of my car this afternoon, i heard a car idling somewhere else in the garage. i passed said car as i walked toward the stairs, and it looked like the driver's head was down on the wheel. at that point, i was pretty sure i had stumbled upon one of my neighbors committing suicide. then, i noticed she was just looking down and writing a check. pshew.

mama collins didn't raise no fool
i bought some pre-packaged lunch meat at the grocery store on sunday. healthy choice brand. more like moldy choice. yep, i found mold on it when i went to make my lunch yesterday. so i took it back to the store for a refund. and here's the great part: they didn't realize i had used a coupon. i actually made 75 cents off the deal. i'm thinking this could be my new get-rich-quick scheme. you know, to replace that whole jeopardy hustling idea that never quite took off.

does anybody have any toilet paper? i've just been shit on. or is it shat on?
guess who's working overnight tonight? and guess who found out about 1:30 this afternoon?