Score: Scott 1, Bagels 1

I ate a bagel today, and I didn't have to go to the hospital.

I Guess They've Seen His Work
I just saw on FOX News that someone shot at Geraldo and his crew as they were driving through Iraq.

If You Like Trashy Local News
You'll love the Mayoral Muzzle! It's almost as entertaining as watching a reporter and camera crew ambush men they say are online perverts!.

Jesus....Always Good for a Laugh
Today, I was writing a tease about Christian book stores profiting from The Passion. I wanted to use the phrase "cashing in on Christ" but thought it might be a tad tacky. Of course, it wouldn't have been as bad as when the NBC station wrote a tease for the movie that began with "We all know how the movie's going to end."

During This Holy Lenten Season...
I'm reminded of the time I was going to live my life for Jesus. That meant doing everything "for Jesus." For example, I wouldn't brush my teeth. Instead, I'd brush my teeth for Jesus. So I guess this is what you'd call blogging for Jesus.

On the Non-Jesus Front
Sometimes I think my EP forgets he no longer works for a FOX station.

America, What Were You Thinking?
Voting off Mike Hall? WTF?

Ignore the Following if You Live Someplace with Mountains
I have mountains and you don't. HA HA!

Tasteless Newsroom Joke of the Day
Fellow producer (complaining about slug with "grandpa" in it that's actually about a molester): I was expecting a touching story about a grandpa.

Me: Instead it's a story about a grandpa touching.

Ba dum ching!

You're Never Too Old to Learn Something New About Yourself
For example, the sight of my own blood has never made me queazy. But this morning, I learned the sight of stitches apparently does just that.

Sunday Bloody Sunday
I once again fell victim to my own stupidity today. And as tends to happen every few years, it resulted in a trip to the hospital.

Things were going pretty well. I'd attended church. I'd purchased the Sunday paper. I'd picked up a few bagels. And I was getting ready to eat one of those bagels and enjoy the MU-UNLV game on the local ABC affiliate. But before eating the bagel, I thought, "This French toast bagel would be good sliced and buttered." So I pulled out a knife and I sliced away...eventually slicing into my finger.

My first thought was: "Oh fuck, oh shit, fuck, fuck, bitch, shit, ass, mother fucker, shit, fuck."

My second tought was: "I hope I didn't get blood on the bagel."

My third thought was: "Dammit. I wanted to watch the game. I don't have time for this."

My fourth thought was: "I hope this stops bleeding."

But it didn't. The blood kept seeping forth. So, after a call home and a call to the consulting nurse line and thirty minutes of continuous bleeding, I drove myself to the hospital. Well, first, I ate the bagel. Then, I drove myself to the hospital.

I was a little worried that by the time I arrived the bleeding would have ended. Sure, that would mean I probably wouldn't need stitches, but it would also take away some of the personal glory. Thankfully, when I unwrapped the wash cloth, the gash was still a gushin'.

In fact, it was almost two hours before the gushing stopped...and only then because of three stitches.

Apparently, this is a pretty common injury, according to the folks in the ER. I don't think it makes me feel any less stupid, though. Ah well, now I have an excuse to buy a bagel slicer.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the bagel was pretty damn good. Definitely worth the 60¢ I paid...though, I'm not sure worth as much as the $75 ER copay.

Not Dead
Just boring.

Sorry for the lack of postings. Not much has happened in the last week. Except I ate a really good cream puff today.