Today, I've Experienced a Great Loss
After many years of faithful service, my VCR remote quit working.

I Thought I Found a Park Near My Apartment
But it turned out to be a small patch of green space with a ten-foot trail, a statue and a homeless man.

I Can Hear Myself Think Once More
When they came to clean my apartment after the neighbor's toilet overflow, they left two very loud fans to dry the carpet. It sounded like I had two air conditioning units in this place. The noise was so loud, it drowned out door knocks, the washer and dryer and the bathroom fan. I had to leave the fans on for 48 hours to ensure a dry carpet. But now, now the fans are gone. Now I can just sit back and listen as the city buses drive by.

Weird Things That Happened Last Night
•My neighbor's toilet overflowed and seeped into my apartment.
•There was a bit of a riot a few blocks from my apartment.

Mizzou, What the Fuck?
Hey, Mike Alden, which is more painful: watching today's game or an NCAA investigation?

It Just Doesn't Add Up
I like me the Real World.* I like me the Road Rules.** But I just don't like me the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Sorry, Clare.

Please Visit Me
Now that I have a bed, we won't even have to share the futon.

*Well...some seasons
**At least last season

Sometimes the Good Outweighs the Bad
The Bad:
•By the end of my work week, I'll have worked six days.
•Two of those days are Saturday and Sunday.
•6, 4, 3 and 1 aren't random numbers; if you add an a.m. to the end of them, you'll get the times I have started/will start work this week.
•Because I don't earn overtime, I will not be paid for the extra hour I worked this afternoon.

The Good:
•This weekend is triple-coupon weekend! Get excited! I'm serious!

Maybe Working at 6 a.m. Won't Be So Bad
I found out this morning that The Fifth Wheel airs at 4:30 a.m. What better way to wake up than that?

Speaking of Trashy TV Dating Shows...
When contestants on those shows disrobe in restaurants, aren't they violating some sort of health code?

The Seattle Times' Sports Section: Accurate and Original
In Sunday's paper, the Times' "baseball reporter" makes the following comment about the Royals: "Toto, I don't think we're in contention any more." First of all, dumbass, the Royals play in Missouri. Secondly, can you be a little more cliched, you granola-chompin', pot-smokin', latte-guzzlin' hippie. Go work for the P-I.

Good and Bad Seattle Sandwich News
Good: The Subway located down the street and next to the 24-hour donut shop is also open 24 hours a day.
Bad: Yesterday, I realized there are no Paneras in the state of Washington.

Scott's Three-Step Plan for a Ruined Day
Step 1: Wake up.
Step 2: Go to work.
Step 3: Find out you'll be working weekend overnights for at least the next month.

I Have No Soul
How jaded are you when you see this and ask, "Another baby found in a box? Doesn't anything new ever happen?"

Things I Don't Understand
•Why rain snarls rush-hour traffic in Seattle. It's rain. In Seattle. Seattle. What the fuck?
•Why Seattle TV stations are covering Isabel like it's inching toward Puget Sound. I'm not talking taking live feeds from network reporters. I'm talking having their own reporters (in "satellite centers") front packages on the storm. Seattle's a big city. We don't have enough of our own news?
•Why Julie quit blogging

You Know How When You Brush Your Teeth You Get All That Foam In Your Mouth?
Yesterday, I managed to somehow drool that all over my shirt two minutes before leaving for work. Yeah, I definitely had to change shirts.

Did You Ever Stop to Think...
that "duh" and "no duh" are actually the same thing?

Why Not Just Give Away A Free Lethal Injection?
A local radio station if giving away a free trip to see John Mayer perform on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Embarassing Moment on Day #2
Realizing at 6 p.m.-ish that your fly's unzipped and has been since before lunch. Whoops!

Only on the First Day
This morning, right before I left for my first day of work, I put on the new shoes I bought last night. I tied the shoes, walked into the other room, looked down at my feet and thought, "Huh, that's funny, those shoes don't match." Somehow, I managed to leave American Eagle with two halves of separate pairs. Fantastic.

I then faced a panicked debate: shoes that only sorta matched my outfit (it was too late to iron another shirt) or tennis shoes. Not knowing the exact dress code, I went with the sorta matching shoes. (I also contemplated calling in sick and going back to the mall to exchange the shoes, but I didn't figure that would make a great impression.)

Things I Can't Seem to Do
•Assemble a futon
•Put a stat-tracker on my blog
•Drive to work without making a wrong turn

They Just Don't Quite Get It
My step-grandfather has e-mailed me twice in the last week. In one e-mail, he referred to me as a TV programmer. In another, a program director. Close, George. Close.

The Tour Guide Becomes the Touree
So, I'm a dork, but I really wanted to take a tour of the UW campus. I only live a few blocks away, and I thought it might be nice to know more about the campus. So, today, I walked over to the admissions office and took the campus tour. Beautiful buildings. Dumbass tour guide. Poor girl. She only became more flustered when I mentioned I was a former campus tour guide.

Highlights of the tour:
•Big ol' statue of GW (George Washington, not Bush)
•Fountain that makes Brady Fountain look like me pissing in a toilet
•Gorgeous architecture (including a Cathedral-like library)

Probably Unnecessary
I have a zit on my chest that could be mistaken for a third nipple.

I Found Myself
Tonight, I took the wrong exit on purpose. I wanted to try and find my way home from a new location, and I succeeded. Only one wrong turn, too...and even then, I still knew where I was.

This Town's a Trip
Here's why:
•88° is hot
•The grocery store has a coffee shop...complete with leather couches
•Target has escalators

Speaking of Target's escalators...
Not only does the store have escalators for people, it has escalators for carts. As I was at Target shopping for a vacuum, I thought to myself, "It would suck if made a fool of myself and screwed up using the cart escalator."
Five minutes later, I found myself saying the following to a Target employee: "Umm, excuse me, my cart's stuck on the escalator."

Holy...
This is where I went to church this morning. Gorgeous...and only nine blocks away.

I Don't Even Know Who I Am Anymore
Today I used my cell phone both at the mall and in the car. I hate myself.

I'm Not Dead...But I am Employed
As you read this, I'm somewhere in the greater Seattle-Tacoma area. If you haven't heard by now, I've taken a job with NorthWest Cable News in Seattle. I know I'm a horrible friend for not having called each of you individually and telling you, but things happened very quickly. Deal.

I'm a Cell Out
There's a lot to write about, but first the big news: You might want to repent, kiddos...I bought a cell phone. That means the end of the world is probably near. I'll send out the number soon, but I'll probably end up calling you before then. In the meantime, I'd have some serious talks with the Big Guy.

Billboards and the Idiots Who Write Them
On the long-ass drive from KC to Seattle, I noticed America's highways are dotted with a variety of f-ed up billboards. Two of my favorites:
•One for an auto body shop advertising "Toe Service." (I'm pretty sure the billboard for Columbia's Tokyo Spa advertises the same thing.)
•One advertising "Visitor Information"...complete with the quotes. I'm not sure what separates "Visitor Information" from Visitor Information. Maybe the quotes mean it's code for toe service.

New State Tourism Slogans
Pretty sure J-Dub's done this before, but here's my shot at it.
(Inspired by the drive to WA. All states are not included.)
Iowa: Driving Slower Than The Rest of the Nation
South Dakota: Full of Old People
Wyoming: Who Knew We Had Public Radio?
Montana: Prettier Than The Name Sounds